04 January, 2011

roasting with patience

Yesterday was a bit like today, but unlike today. Sorry? Oh, you mean, how does that make sense? Nevermind the details are unimportant. The troll's toenail clippings are. That's disgusting? Of course it is, but if you come over here (just remember to hold your nose), you may notice that stuck to the dirt beneath the nail there is where your lost earring may be found. No problems at all. What? My fault? What? How is it my fault that you snuck into the cave when I told you not to and nearly got eaten? How is it my fault that you accidentally kicked the troll in the eye when you tripped over a clot of dry snot and fell onto his sleeping mat? I beg your pardon! Language, my dear friend. Language! Do you like being woken up by being poked hard in the eye by a twig of a limb? I should think not.

Good idea. I forgot where we were for a moment. Hush! Don't laugh. It's - eeew... not funny. You try falling waist deep into a pool of drool and see whether it's funny or not. Help me out here. No, I'm not wiping it on you on purpose - that is unless you want me to. Come here you. Let me give you a hug. SSSSHHHHHHH!!!! Don't shout so loud. You'll wake him up!

Yes. I agree. Let's move on. Goodness, saliva is sticky stuff. Disgusting. You reach under the pillow. Carefully now. I'd get glued to the thing if I tried. That's it. That's it. Slowly... slowly... Look at the beauty! Come on. Let's find the right jewellry box. Nononononono - don't - ok you've done it this time. Run! What? Don't - don't give the key to... me...

Ummm, sorry to wake you up sir, but if you'll just excuse me...

Don't - you - ever - do - that - ever - again! Next time just drop it and run! What? I'm... oh. So I am. How did I run as fast as I did still holding onto the thing? Nevermind. Oh look. There's the box. No, no. I dare not. Let's hide away somewhere until he's gone back to sleep or left the cave or something. Trolls have an awful sense of smell, despite their gigantic noses. It's because their noses are always blocked. Full of thick globs of green mucus. That's why they snort so much. Didn't you know? Perfectly. We're perfectly safe, so long we sit still... and from the looks of things, the troll is trying to wait us out. Trolls have extremely bad eyesight too. Sit still and we'll just look like little globs of dirt. So what? We certainly look like it now.

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